An Open Letter to President Obama

Dear President Obama,

During your election campaign in 2008, you spoke eloquently about the need for a "new energy future," one unencumbered by addiction to foreign oil and marked by investment in "alternative" sources of energy, such as solar power, wind turbines, geothermal power and wave generation.  You vowed that, if elected President, you would push strongly for investment in these areas.  You reiterated this point again in the powerful State of the Union address that you delivered in 2010.
Throughout your Presidency, you have repeatedly claimed that, although fossil fuels and nuclear power are, in your view, parts of the energy picture for the foreseeable future, you are a strong believer and advocate for the development of energy alternatives, not only in order to decrease America's dependence on foreign oil, and not just because of the enormous potential for jobs and economic growth that investment in the alternative energy sector could provide, but also because of the necessity of reducing, immediately and drastically, the amount of CO2 being added to the atmosphere by the combustion of fossil fuels.  Global warming is an urgent problem of global proportions, as you argued during your election campaign, and as you have reiterated at times during your presidency.  Your action requiring American car manufacturers to raise fuel efficiency standards is an acknowledgement of the seriousness of the problem and a significant move in the right direction.
That brings me to the Keystone XL pipeline for transporting bitumen from Alberta's oil sands to Texas to be refined.
Bitumen, or "tar," is a viscous, sticky oil-like substance that has been used foe centuries as an adhesive and building material, but not as oil, because it is not the same as crude oil.  To be burned like oil it first needs to be mixed with lighter hydrocarbons.  It is nothing like "light sweet crude," the oil in reserves in Saudi Arabia, Iran, Iraq, Venezuela, etc.  The process of transforming bitumen into liquid fuel
requires energy for steam injection and refining, a process which generates two to four times the amount of greenhouse gases per barrel of final product as the "production" of conventional oil.
Alberta's "tar sands" contain something like 85% of the world's reserves of bitumen, an amount that equals the world's total reserves of conventional crude oil.  This kind of resource has only recently become thought of as profitable.  It requires huge inputs of energy and water, but as conventional crude becomes more scarce, it will undoubtedly only become more profitable to extract unconventional oil and natural gas.
The reason why we have come to this point is because we have passed the era of peak oil.  That is to say, global production of conventional oil has peaked and is now on the decline.  We have passed through the era of easy oil - reserves that could be tapped simply by drilling into the ground, and releasing the pressure holding the oil in place - and into the era of hard oil.  This is why we are now drilling for oil 5 miles beneath the surface of the ocean, which is what led to the BP Deepwater Horizon oil spill.  This is why the government of Canada is now so actively pursuing the extraction of oil from the Alberta Tar Sands.
But Canada has no refineries capable of transforming bitumen from the tar sands into usable liquid oil anywhere near where the resource lies, beneath Alberta's boreal forests.  Hence, the Keystone XL pipeline project, to bring the bitumen to the refineries of Texas to be transformed into a product the oil companies can transport and sell.
For months, thousands of Americans of every political persuasion bombarded the White House with demands that you reject this pipeline, which would carry the oil through the Ogalalla Aquifer, the groundwater resource accessed by eight U.S. states, from South Dakota to Texas, for drinking water.  The project has been opposed by Republican governors, ranchers, farmers and civilians of every kind, as well as many environmental groups.  Of course, you have also been lobbied intensely by the Canadian government and by oil industry representatives, for this project to go forward.
Many breathed a huge sigh of relief when, a month ago, you declared no decision on the pipeline this year.  Now, however, it seems that, thanks to your political opponents in Congress, the issue has been raised from the dead and you must, again, issue a decision on it in the near future.
When considering what decision to make, keep in mind that this project isn't just about job creation or the economy.  Yes, it would create a relatively small number of short-term jobs, and yes, it would increase profits for the oil industry, which some feel convinced somehow benefits everyone else as well.  But it would also create, not just temporarily, but in the long term and for the foreseeable future, a drastic increase in greenhouse gas emissions just when we need to be working hard to achieve the exact opposite.
More to the point, approval of this pipeline represents a strong and enduring commitment to the very sources of dirty energy that you so eloquently and forcefully argued against as a presidential candidate.  This is a watershed moment.
If, as Americans have loudly and clearly demanded, you stand by your promise to veto this project, you will reinforce your commitment to a clean energy future and a definitive move away from reliance on foreign oil.
If, on the other hand, you cave to the pressure of oil industry lobbyists and political calculations, you risk not just losing the support of Americans concerned about the environment that carried you into office, but also the health of our natural resources and the balance of the global climate.  Make the right choice.

Seth Needler
Portland, Oregon

What, another right-wing lie??

One of the favorite "arguments" (if that word doesn't connote too much thoughtfulness to be applied to such statements) of tea party enthusiasts is that the government, just like Americans, needs to live "within its means."

Since when do Americans live within their means?

The last time I checked, which was about 5 minutes ago, the average amount of personal debt held by Americans, which includes mortgages, car loans, student loans and credit card debt, was almost $52,000.  By contrast, Americans' average annual savings is only about $7,000 per family.  In other words, Americans live on credit, and have been for some time, just like the Federal government, only more so.

So, the idea that Americans balance their budget and live within their means is, like everything else these tea party enthusiasts make up, well, made up.  What a surprise.

Let's Mess With Texas

When I was in New Orleans at Jazz Fest recently, my wife and I had a good laugh at a t-shirt we saw for sale in a store that said, over a logo of the state of Texas, "Let's Mess With Texas."

Last night, a friend and I brainstormed the following scenario:  Let the Tea Party and their followers have Texas, and let Texas secede from the United States, as they have actually proposed doing.

The Tea Party and the Republican politicians under their immediate control have been strongly advocating for a drastic reduction of the Federal government ("Get your government hands off my Medicare!").  Why not let these morons test their theory for real?  Here's how it would work:

All Tea Party members and other Republicans who claim to want a dissolution of government would go to Texas, signing a pledge to stay there for a minimum 10-year period.  During that time, they would also have to pledge to do no business with any other states (that would violate their no-government philosophy).  They would be able to receive no imports from the United States, and would also not be able to access any infrastructure services emanating from the United States (no telephone, Internet, radio or television broadcasting, U.S. mail, water, sewage treatment, garbage collection, electricity generation, etc.  All of these would have to be provided within Texas, or through direct commerce with other countries but without any assistance from the U.S. government.  They would also, of course, have to provide all of their own education, transportation, law-enforcement, emergency and medical services within state.  Needless to say, the citizens of Texas would have to build their own roads, grow their own fruit and vegetables, raise their own meat, etc.  Luckily Texas is wealthy in natural resources, particularly oil.  However, the benefits of any pipelines importing or exporting oil through the U.S. would have to be foregone.

It would, of course, be entirely up to these citizens of Texas to determine whether or not to maintain a state governing body, or whether to take up a tax collection.

After 10 years, we would evaluate the success of the experiment.  If, as the Tea Party caucus claims, no taxes and a lack of government spur employment and wealth, Texas would be overflowing with money and wealth, and have virtually no unemployment.  In that event, we others would agree to let Texas take over the rest of the states, kick out all non-whites, imprison all poor people, and confiscate their property for immediate transfer to a Billionnaire Asset Acquisition Fund.

If not, and the experiment proved to no one's surprise to be a miserable and demoralizing failure, then the Texas secession would be declared permanent and all its citizens would be henceforth treated as illegal immigrants in the U.S.

Fox News Must Die

To sort of paraphrase Louis Farakkhan: Fox News must die in order for America to truly live.

Ask yourself this: How did the Republicans manage to change the terms of the debate, such that now apparently a majority of Americans think the debt crisis should be solved by a "combination of spending cuts and revenue increases," as the media keeps constantly reminding us?

Why do Republicans, like Grover Norquist, whose "I will never vote to raise taxes on Billionnaires" pledge the majority of Congressional Republicans have signed, keep telling us over and over again that lower taxes are the solution to the poor economy and the high rate of unemployment?  Everybody with half a brain knows that not only is that not true, it is the exact opposite of the truth.

The Republicans had 8 consecutive years during the Bush Administration, when they controlled both houses of Congress, to prove the efficacy of that idea and they failed miserably, creating the economic collapse that we are in the midst of now.  Even though we now have incontrovertible evidence that the Republican ideology of government is wrong, average Americans keep voting to allow Republicans to keep taking money away from average Americans and handing it over to America's wealthiest 400 "citizens," whose combined wealth exceeds that of half of the country.

How do Republicans, despite demonstrably having the worst ideas and the worst candidates for public office, get to keep dictating the terms of the debate in Congress?

The answer, of course, is Fox News.  

For decades, Fox News has been poisoning the American air waves with its hate-filled rhetoric and outright lies.  It's "red-blooded American" bullshit is just that, a cover for a truly profound and deep-seated hatred of America and American values.

But now, for the first time, there is just a shred of hope that Fox may get brought down.  The Murdoch empire is sustaining painful hits in Britain.  All it would take is one politician with a pair of balls, and even a tiny pair at that, to get the ball rolling (no pun intended) here.  An investigation of Fox News would almost certainly produce even more dirt than that of News of the World.  If there is anything other than high gas prices that can get Americans riled, the hacking of phone records of 9/11 victims must be it.  I have no doubt that Fox News, which is already known to have done that, has done many other, equally reprehensible things.   

Bonuses for Billionnaires

Dammit, Kristof, you've beaten me to the punch again!  I should have written this myself:

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/21/opinion/21kristof.html

I certainly couldn't say it better.

The Hypocritical Oath

Didn't Walt Whitman once say: "Do I contradict myself?  Very well, I contradict myself.  I am large.  I contain multitudes."  The Republicans seem to have taken Whitman to heart, more than they themselves realize.  Of course, Whitman didn't exactly mean it the way that Republicans do.  What Whitman meant was that the sophisticated mind is capable of simultaneously holding contradictory ideas and evaluating them.  Republicans, though, lack that ability completely.  For them, the concept that works is simply not holding any ideas in your mind for any length of time, so that when you say something that is the exact opposite of what you said earlier, there's no contradiction; you never said the previous thing.  That's why hypocrisy, for a Republican, is the same as breathing for the rest of us.

In honor of Walt Whitman (one of my favorite poets, incidentally), I hereby propose the following pledge for all Republicans to take.  As enthusiastic as they are about signing pledges (see today's NY Times), I have no doubt that Republicans will be knocking each other over to be first in line to sign my new pledge, called "The Hypocritic Oath:"

I (fill in name), a Republican, hereby do solemnly swear, pledge, promise, and vow, always and without fail to be a hypocrite.  By this I mean that I will invariably practice in my own personal life the opposite of what I preach should be the behavior of others.  For example, I will cheat on my pregnant wife with a member of my household staff while campaigning for "family values."  In addition, I will vote against my own previous votes.  For example, I will pass universal health care in my own state, then campaign against it for everyone else.  As another example, I will author and vigorously promote a deficit-reduction plan but then oppose it with equal ferocity as soon as a Democratic president supports it.  In short, I will faithfully and to the best of my ability speak and act like a hypocrite, all the time.

Now, there's a pledge that Republicans should be able to get behind.

Playtime for Republicans

Does anybody know where Eric Cantor's bib and pacifier are?

It's definitely time to let the kiddies outside to play while the adults talk and make decisions.  While Cantor is whining about how President Obama "stormed out" of their meeting on the deficit and the debt ceiling, the Republicans are still holding up any meaningful progress from being made and, for completely inexplicable reasons, Obama seems content to cede the majority of their absurd demands anyway.

What Obama should say to Eric Cantor and his infantile colleagues now is something long the lines of "This is a serious discussion, which means YOU stay out of it."  The Republicans, with the exception of any who have previously demonstrated that they are capable of behaving like mature adults (are there any like that currently in office?), should be ushered into the playground with the door locked behind them until the issue has been resolved.  Then, if they are really good, they should be allowed back in - with the stipulation that next time recess will be withheld for a month.

Chutzpah!

Memo to Michelle Bachman (or should I say "Botchman"):

It takes a lot of chutzpah to use a word that you don't know in order to make a point.  In the future, try learning how to pronounce a word before using it.  Watch this video...

What to do about the Republicans

The target of today's rant (and that of the majority of them long into the future, I suspect) is everybody's favorite punching bag, Republicans.

Let's see:  During the Bush administration, for 7 out of 8 years of which the entire government was under Republican control, the debt limit was raised 7 times.  I can't recall a single time when any Republican raised any objections to that, or even talked about it at all.  But back then, of course, the Republicans' slogan was "deficits don't matter," as they methodically drove it toward its current levels.

Since the Republicans have long since proven that the only thing they are good at is continually refining the definition of "hypocrisy," I hereby propose the following solution to deal with their annoying, insulting, and ultimately profoundly America-hating rhetoric:

All Republicans are required to immediately and fully abdicate any and all involvement in the U.S. government.  They have recently bitched, loudly and belligerently, that the government is too big.  To show just a bit of fidelity to their own values, all Republican politicians should immediately resign their posts and donate their entire salaries, benefits and all assets to a board representing America's major corporate giants, which will then distribute the proceeds from the sale of the aforementioned assets as they see fit, to America's wealthiest "citizens."

Any Republican "elected" official who refuses to participate in this entirely voluntary action should then be offered the option of either continuing to work for the government without pay for a minimum contracted 10 year period, or joining the military as uniformed servicemen/ women (also a minimum 10-year contract).

SUV Drivers

Do SUVs and pickups lack a turn signal??

Most drivers don't bother to use their turn signal most of the time, but in my limited, unscientific survey, drivers of SUVs and pickups never do.  Apparently their elevated position above the road and relative to other drivers, as they pilot their 8,000 pound hunk of steel to Costco, makes them feel "above" the need to bother informing other drivers, cyclists or pedestrians of their intentions.  

Come to think of it, the lack of signaling is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my rant about SUV drivers:  how about the sheer stupidity, arrogance and waste embodied by a single person driving a 2 1/2 ton vehicle, all by themselves, to the store to bring back two bags of groceries?

In India, my wife and I rented seats in what in America would be called a "mid-size SUV."  There were 12 people aboard, and they charged us for 3 seats because our backpacks took so much space that there was no room for an additional passenger.

In America, however, not only do we not penalize people for taking up too much space, using too much gas, wasting too much energy, or driving without thinking about other people at all: we reward it.  During the Bush administration the maximum tax write-off for SUVs was $100,000.

Here's an idea: why don't we eliminate writeoffs for SUV owners, and instead tax vehicle manufacturers $1,000 per mile under 45 mpg, per vehicle, per year?  A Hummer that got 12 miles per gallon would yield a tax revenue of $33,000 per year.  Doesn't that make more sense than paying people to pollute?

Portland Drivers

A while ago, my ex-brother-in-law and I coined an umbrella term for the kind of drivers that drive us (no pun intended) crazy with their excessively-slow driving, refusal to use turn signals, insistence on second-guessing other drivers, cyclists and pedestrians, and incompetent turning techniques: "Portland Drivers."

Of course, these terrible drivers are found all over the place, not just in Portland, but let's face it, there are far too many of them here.

So, let's review how a Portland Driver drives:

1) They never use a turn signal, particularly if they are driving a pick-up truck or SUV(see other rant "SUV drivers")
2) If they see a pedestrian coming, no matter how far away they are, they stop and wait, even if they have a green light
3) When they arrive at a traffic light, if the light is green they stop anyway and wave the driver, cyclist or pedestrian going the other way (who has a red light) to go first
4) On the highway, they drive in the left lane, going 5-10 miles below the speed limit
5) NOTE: This one is the worst of all: When making a left turn at a traffic light, instead of pulling into the middle of the intersection to wait for the light to turn yellow and then making the turn, they wait at the crosswalk until the light turns red.  Then, they stay there and repeat this bonehead maneuver the next time the light turns green.   I have watched Portland Drivers pull this idiotic routine through 3 changes of the light!

It's almost as if Portland Drivers don't comprehend that the whole point of getting behind the wheel is to get somewhere, as fast as possible.  Who goes for a Sunday drive on Monday at 8:00 a.m.?!

Yes, it's funny (ha, ha) but not when you're waiting behind this moron to make a turn.

OPB Traffic Reports

I like to listen to NPR on my way to and from work.  An unfortunate side effect of that is having to listen to Oregon Public Broadcasting's so-called "traffic report," which happens unpredictably once an hour or so.  It basically consists of a preamble announcing that it is sponsored by Burger King, Wal-Mart or some other corporate giant not usually thought of as an ally of public radio, followed by a breezy summary that boils down to "roads that are usually busy are busy."
There's never any qualifying information, such as more specifics about HOW busy it is.  Nor is there ever any reference whatsoever to any road that is not deemed by the powers that be at OPB to be a road that is "usually busy" at that time of day.
I can't count how many times I've sat in my car on the Banfield (see rant "Where's the Banfield?") doing 5 mph right next to the speed limit: 55 sign, wondering what possible reason could account for the lack of movement: Sun?  Rain?  Rubbernecking?  Or one of the countless other reasons Portland drivers (see rant entitled "Portland Drivers") have for slowing on the highway?  Just then, the OPB traffic report comes on, pointlessly informing me that traffic is "slow in all the usual places."
Are you F***ing kidding me?!
Does Burger King pay so little for the privilege of sponsoring a traffic report that OPB can't afford to provide an actual traffic report with the collected funds?  Why is OPB taking a measly $5 from Burger King in exchange for a minute of sponsorship on a "commercial-free" station, all in order to produce a completely useless traffic report?
Here's an idea: why doesn't OPB refund Burger King its $5 and tell its listeners to tune in to a different station if they want to know what's happening with the traffic?
Or, an even better idea: what if OPB produced an actual traffic report, and let Burger King go back to doing what it does best: chopping down the rainforest in order to make shitty burgers from the meat of factory-farmed cows?

Where's The Banfield?

I challenge ANYONE in the Portland area, or anywhere for that matter, to show me a single sign, billboard, posted placard, or any other type of informational sign anywhere that refers to Interstate 84 through Portland, Oregon as "The Banfield."  (Spoiler alert: don't bother trying: you will be wasting your time).
Nonetheless, whenever any Portland radio station refers to I-84 in the context of a traffic report, they invariably refer to it as "The Banfield" (see my rant entitled "OPB Traffic Reports").