Let's Mess With Texas

When I was in New Orleans at Jazz Fest recently, my wife and I had a good laugh at a t-shirt we saw for sale in a store that said, over a logo of the state of Texas, "Let's Mess With Texas."

Last night, a friend and I brainstormed the following scenario:  Let the Tea Party and their followers have Texas, and let Texas secede from the United States, as they have actually proposed doing.

The Tea Party and the Republican politicians under their immediate control have been strongly advocating for a drastic reduction of the Federal government ("Get your government hands off my Medicare!").  Why not let these morons test their theory for real?  Here's how it would work:

All Tea Party members and other Republicans who claim to want a dissolution of government would go to Texas, signing a pledge to stay there for a minimum 10-year period.  During that time, they would also have to pledge to do no business with any other states (that would violate their no-government philosophy).  They would be able to receive no imports from the United States, and would also not be able to access any infrastructure services emanating from the United States (no telephone, Internet, radio or television broadcasting, U.S. mail, water, sewage treatment, garbage collection, electricity generation, etc.  All of these would have to be provided within Texas, or through direct commerce with other countries but without any assistance from the U.S. government.  They would also, of course, have to provide all of their own education, transportation, law-enforcement, emergency and medical services within state.  Needless to say, the citizens of Texas would have to build their own roads, grow their own fruit and vegetables, raise their own meat, etc.  Luckily Texas is wealthy in natural resources, particularly oil.  However, the benefits of any pipelines importing or exporting oil through the U.S. would have to be foregone.

It would, of course, be entirely up to these citizens of Texas to determine whether or not to maintain a state governing body, or whether to take up a tax collection.

After 10 years, we would evaluate the success of the experiment.  If, as the Tea Party caucus claims, no taxes and a lack of government spur employment and wealth, Texas would be overflowing with money and wealth, and have virtually no unemployment.  In that event, we others would agree to let Texas take over the rest of the states, kick out all non-whites, imprison all poor people, and confiscate their property for immediate transfer to a Billionnaire Asset Acquisition Fund.

If not, and the experiment proved to no one's surprise to be a miserable and demoralizing failure, then the Texas secession would be declared permanent and all its citizens would be henceforth treated as illegal immigrants in the U.S.